I'm Ready

I am confused on this day as to where exactly I am headed right now.

And that doesn't go to say that this is a new contemplation. The path in which my life is following has always been largely swayed, uneven, hidden and full of obstacles; just like everyone else in the world.

But today, I am feeling very unprepared. I feel like a hunter who's been sent out without a bow and arrow. A surgeon without an assistant. A drug addict who has just run out of his fix.

It's not that I don't know which fork in the road to take, it's that I don't see the fork at all. I don't see any indication of where I am headed.

I am being bombarded with change after change in my life, and more than ever before these changes are becoming overwhelming. I suppose I am thankful for the ability I have to sort through images in my mind and place them all on paper to analyze. However, right now even viewing all my options concretely is leading me astray.

I wonder if this is because I took a wrong turn somewhere behind me, and now I am dealing with the consequences. However, an occasion like that should not affect me to this matter, because I know that the decisions, whether wrong or right, that are behind me.. The turns I have chosen to take along this windy road, can not be changed now that I am farther down the line.

So then what is it? What is making me so unsure, so blind to the direction I am going?

I suppose I won't know. I suppose I will just have to keep walking, keep taking in what's around me and continue to search for cues that will indicate where exactly I am headed in the future.

As a rule, I tend to insist on never dwelling on the past, or planning for the future. I am a strong advocate of living in the present. Then why is it that today, I can't seem to shake the worry of my destiny? I would like to think it's because something big is about to happen, or perhaps something small. But regardless of the size, I believe that the impact will be life changing.

Why else would I be stressing to this degree? Some being is preparing me for something. So hey, whoever, whatever, or which ever thing you are.

I'm ready.

That's all for now....

Creating an Annoyance

Creating an annoyance out of things that don't exist.
Stuck inside this whirlwind, wondering how things came to this.
Seeing people change like the past was all a lie.
Sitting here just waiting for another pointless fight.
I'm left thinking way too much about the troubles on my mind,
and the more I sit and think, the more disturbances I find.
If the things you say are true, then why am I stuck with all this mess.
I've been here to see the things you do, and every time I think you less.
It's hard to sit here and acknowledge the best time's we've ever had.
Cause more often now I think of you, and it just always makes me sad.