EARNED

In a world where nothing is free for all,
we've been found inside some short and tall.
Cut short in those which who are hard to find,
and tall besides the one's who hide.
Inside this world I've found some truth,
that nothing should try and spoil your youth.
That somedays you raise above the clouds,
while others you fall and become the crowd.
It's clear, for now, that all around...
People are near, but make no sound.
Societies been lost, no where to be found.
And that sometimes you scream, for all, aloud.
In a world where nothing can make much sense,
and we've found ourselves, ruining time we've spent.
Where we lost our minds so long ago, and after sometime..
we still won't know where to go.
Too far to move back, and too far to move foward..
and after all aspects, too lazy to move onward.
Uneducated now, with no desire to learn.

It's time to sit back and recieve what we earned.

runaway...

ears are buzzing, music flys.
time is moving, passing by.
life is running, living high.
find what's right within you.

rumors move, and storys pass.
races end, and friendships last.
time is running, moving fast.
remove the ones who hurt you.

loved ones fade, and people die.
hardships come, and trouble made..
though love and hate are not the same,
they both can come to hurt you.

runaway from what you may,
make things better, here, today.
watch all the things that you may say...

find all the power within you..

ethics.

Hungry for revenge, retribution, and hate; assuming humanity would not lead me innate. Proportinate punishment, unjustified fate, blind side of killing, stealing, escape....Ethics has taught me one thing if in this, the board doesn't teach, and the subject has skipped. The concepts here taught are not remotely inside. Their minds still intact, and the knowledge ahide. Emotions here driven and consequently missed points..In this case you showed me karma ultimately rejoiced. Irrational processes used to fight back, but fate has my side while I improve what I lack...

when saying hi...

what time has planned, and fate can see.
what god has made, a sea of green.
the Earth: our canvas...an empty fold.
this life: not endless...all truths we hold.

be strong in what you choose to do,
make all old feel like brand new.
forget regret, and live today.
watch what you do, and what you say..

be cautious as time is flashing by.
don't think twice, when saying hi..

end of parole.

when trust becomes destant and love becomes lust.
when you question the things that were never a "must"
when eyes were placed forward, and never behind..
when the stab was behind us, and pain not inside.
when they created a way to not lose the control..
when the night became day and the end of parole.

what made you try.

What hurts the most yields all but truth,
and what lost my mind still held my youth.
What made me weak did make me fall,
and what made me reach did make me tall.

Aside from rumored, fatal lies.
I've lost perception of wrong and right.
I've learned to not trust a word they say,
and live dependent on everyday.
I've dealt with the talk, I'm on my own.
I remind myself: I'm not alone.
I realized that they can't run my life..
it's no longer a matter to win the fight.

When looking back, remember me.
Not for what you heard..but what you see.
Despite what hurts and burn the eyes,
despite the lone and lifeless life.
What made you try made muscles grow,
and what made you cry did not break bones.

when in Rome...

Not a house, but a home.
As they do, when in Rome.
Should we stay, so we go.
Don't look back just move on farther.
As I say, not I do.
Another day, another wound.
So we stray away and wander.
...and try to make the move.
Not Always together but never apart.
Whether in person or only in heart.
No matter the weather or no matter a thought.
This life and it's meaning are elsewhere.

The Perfect Day.

The widest horizon I see above, the sky is shining, the ocean: calm. The clouds quite delicate that float on by, the people are passing: gently saying hi. Today is quite perfect, if we step back and see, our troubles are worthless, our worries are free. Complaints are not part of our lives for now. Our new chapter of life is as bright as the sun, the view in our minds did no justice alone. The beauty within what the world once may hold, the life that we live, that will never get old. The sound of the waves slowly crashing in time, the unspoken truth of the facts in our lives. Surreal to believe this is what we call home, amazing to think only months have gone on. As time passes by we take notice to this: although we miss home, if we left we'd miss this. The smell of the sea and the rain from above, the sights that we see and the people we love. The time that we've spent and will never regret, the friends we have made and will never forget.

Speeding 101 S

Subconsciously speeding at the speed of light..
..unknowingly sending all the words on my mind.

Contemplating concepts of strangers alone..
...alongside the subjects that house all my growth.

Moving me forward towards what I call home..
...passing by quickly with nothing to lose.

Watching things ruin what was here before us..
... the end of what's natural, and begin of the fuss.

Pieces of future and pastimes alike, something quite lovely, something ..
...not right.

Driving past things without any much thought, can't bother remember where thought once had got.

dance like no one's watching.

Completely unaware,
thought nothing could compare
Was lost, with nothing there..
and trying not to want you.

Even when you're gone from me..
want nothing more to find my seat,
to settle down, admit defeat.
and dance like no one's watching..

For where and when thing's start to fade,
In time we'll fall, increasing speed.
I'm lost in time and untold truths,
there's nothing left for you to do.
So move along, and leave me here..

I'm alone for now..

..but not wanting you.

All that you could be.

Change was once so easy, from time to time of day.
Remembering what's over, when there was so much more to say.
Move on to a new day, with so much more to see.
Try to keep thing's simple..
be all that you could be.

Perhaps, Just maybe, Somehow.

Disconnected from the world, from my fear, and from my pain.
Just trying to move myself along, and keep bad things away.

I'm lost inside your world and all means to get away..
Wishing for all it's worth that everything would be okay.
Change is must less easy when the sky has turned to grey.
Perhaps..just maybe..somehow, everything will be okay.

Missed the Date..

a song I wrote on the bus home one day...it's a bit hard to follow but I'm really proud of it. Enjoy! :)


woke up late, missed the date
barely caught the bus on time
walked too fast, when faces crashed
my eyes, looked up and saw you
the second passed, I brushed off the grass
returned to running mindlessly
I was too late, I missed the date.
And stood the entire class

(chorus) Cause you are..
the one who holds my mind in place
and you are..
the person once I saw your face, I knew
I could love you.

The teacher talked, or so I thought
I was having trouble listening
thoughts of you, your eyes of blue
It wasn't like they said.
We didn't run away to love..
the sky, no bluer, still stood above.
The day went great, I missed the date..
cause I was slowly stuck in time.

I find myself running minutes late
to maybe see your face again
no luck, no fate, I'm just too late
it wasn't meant to be.

(chorus) Cause you are..
the one who hold my mind in place
and you were...
the person once I saw your face, I knew
I could love you.

Perhaps I lost the point to the
speech I missed that day
and looking back, just as I'l thought
the questions slipped away
Mr. Greene had said to me "Always be on time"..
for minutes lost aren't worth the thought,
only future..
is worth your time.

(chorus) Cause you are..
the one who holds my mind in place.
and you were..
the person once I saw your face, I knew

that I loved you.

Just another day.

The view behind me, worthless.
The path ahead, my fortress.
The goals I've set, quite clueless..
yet, keeping me at bay.
My life, so long, so lustless.
So lost inside this complex..
To where or when I've found this.

It's just another day...

For Good.

A new dawn is beginning, picking up pace.
My old world is rewinding, keeping me in place.
I'm lost in what I'm losing, I've found in what I'm looking,
Just trying to make things easy, somehow.

Won't find what has been hidden, can't help what has been chosen,
don't want to fall unconscious, for good.

A glance to what's in front of me, brings times of lost and forgotten leads.
To where they led one day we know,
has yet to be uncovered.

Life is full of untold truths, unknowing strangers full of amuse,
the world we are in makes it hard to keep score...
indefinitely.

Move on.

Drifting the traits from valid to not,
Moving my mind to have second thoughts.
Forgetting all the things that I hadn't forgot..
and trying to move me along.

Losing my mind although it's nothing that's new.
Constantly fighting to know what to do.
Despite better thoughts I'm still thinking of you..
it's what I have known all along.

Perhaps here in time I'll make progress in life.
Won't have to keep trying to win every fight.
I can sit back and accept what is wrong and is right..
the time has come to move on.

To whoever actually reads this thing....

I apologize for not posting in so long, having roommates is an awful distraction. I have almost ten writings to post and I promise to have them online by the end of the weekend :) Hope all is well!!

Moving, away.

The sun, it rises,
while time.. surprises,
somehow, we made it to here.
Confused on what happened,
sad on what's lacking,
already there goes one more year.
Can't tell what's gone wrong,
can't sing to this song,
can't stand that we're moving away.
Don't want to waste time,
won't lose what's been mine,
beginning to count down the days..

A new chapter begins,
sit up and keep grinning,
crying won't make things less hard.
Push yourself further,
apply what you have learned,
believe me, in this you'll go far.
Despite what you may think,
when afloat, you may sink,
but it's all part of moving along.
And before you do know it,
and before you could show it,
all the friends that you know will be gone......

Time.

Time is passing, flying away.
Time's been caught running,
& months turn to days.
Time can't be tamed,
it's as wild as rhyme.
Time can't be saved,
we have only one life.
If there comes a day when you find yourself lost.
Contemplating all things, & quenching your thirst.
Just take a moment to catch your breath,
or you may find yourself counting all that is left.
Sometimes you realize all was a waste,
that all you once knew, cannot be replaced.
Friends fade away, and fights break things down..
while time ticks away, and the noise becomes loud.
Inspiration shifts elsewhere and loves fade to likes,
the small walk to freedom becomes a long uphill hike.
Nothing seems as it once was percieved,
nothing is completed with the comfort of ease.
Although things are harder, perhaps it's okay.
Can't help but be stronger, everyday.

Reality.

Upon asking a question....realize that no thought should be tamed, and that all that it means to be alive, is not exactly what we have currently percieved. That, the world around us can be entirely altered, and rearranged. The ability to create an entire world within itself is only a mere step away from simplicity. All one must do is take a leap into the most dark, and demented states of our own minds. There, we must relive the pain, misery, and unknown. To ask questions when confused only leads to one thing, and one thing only: an understanding of this made up reality. And when one finds hinself understanding what is not real, we begin to believe that what we are living within, must be sane. That the colors and scents, the moments and memories, are not a figment of our imaginations but a placement of the greatest power of all, ourselves. And where no one else can disagree is one's own opinions. And when all around is nothing now but wasted space, and a fake image of what one's mind has begun to percieve as real. This new place has become a reality. If we take a step further into the depths of this mindset, Reality. We begin to view the world and it's entire beauty a bit differently than we did before we simply opened our eyes. We see the blues look much bluer, and the clouds look much brighter, the people far more out of place. The simple statements, all but contradictory ...and the world, unordinary. The sounds begin to blur into an endless symphony, and we begin to wonder what they mean at all. A simple memory of a lesson we once learned comes to mind in this instant: the one who was curious, did not come out alive. He who asked the question fell into a state of mind that led him into a new reality, a new idea. And that idea is all it takes to create another just like itself. And before one can control themselves these ideas will be spreading like wildfire, out of control. So although it may be curiosity who killed those who wanted to know, they are the one's who have found reality. The one's who will never be, uncertain. The one's who will never reply "I don't know". Our minds are infested with powerful things and all it takes to reach this astonishment...........is to take the risk, and be the one who falls away from the others.

If you're looking for the truth, all it takes is to question, understand, believe and percieve...create an idea from nothing but faith. Create an idea from the darkest of lights, and the quiestest of noise. Create: reality.

....catch me.

life has found it's reason, for making thing's astray.
life has found that in me, nothing is "okay".
i'm wondering when this happened, when i lost all my control.
i'm trying to remember ..but i can't seem to think at all.
stuck inside these feelings, what's been good and what's been bad,
i'm having trouble moving, and this is all i've ever had.
i'm lost inside this moment, lost behind that wall.
lost in thoughts surrounding you, lost inside it all.
searching for that something, that will make all things okay..
looking for the person, waiting for that day.
paths that aren't yet taken,
loves that are yet to be found..
questions that remain unanswered,
times when you fall to the ground.
all becomes a learning game, one that's hard to beat.
all becomes a constant race, of inevitable defeat.
what i want, and what i need are two separate things in all.
i pray that someday, someone soon, will catch me as I fall..

"fine"

no words do i know will begin to explain.
no feeling's i've known will put a justice to pain.
you were out of your mind to show your face where I was..
you clearly weren't thinking, and not that you should.
I would love it to know that I don't cross you mind.
content in knowing there is no way you're kind.
I was doing okay, avoiding your touch.
I was doing much better, what's been done was forgot.
Yet only so much can progress from this time.
the smallest of things make me fall into rhyme,
The simple knowledgge of you passing by,
never fails to make the world spin to sky.
I hate to admit how much you cross my own mind.
And that despite what you think, i'm not doing "fine" ..

All that I'd be..

I long to live the fullfilling life, a strength I've yet to see..
And just when I thought I was strong enough, I fell for all to see.
Don't cry too much, won't show what's left, the world can't see what's me...
and all before I showed myself.

I lost all that I'd be.

You were all I needed, and all I had.
You were all I had to see.
You picked me up, and threw me down,
and left me here to be.

I'll never forget the way I felt, and the things you seemed to feel.
The way you never cared so less, and seemed to take the wheel.

You ruined all that had meant to me, I can't go a single day.
I don't want to admit it, but because of you.
I will never get away.

nothing. makes. sense.

the walls, they're closing in on me...
a despicable sight that I've yet to see,
and I wonder most often what has brought me here,
and where on this Earth I am going to steer.
I'm lost inside this constant trance, just
wondering when something will make me relax.
I feel like it never is going to end,
and all that there is, is really pretend.
It's funny just thinking about all that I've done,
and remind me that something has come from this none.
I hate that I can't just stop thinking of you.
I am constantly lost, and never know what to do.
I know nothing makes sense, and I am usually wrong...
most of these emotions, don't even fit with my songs..
I want more than this, to just make things okay.

Maybe just someday, it will be a new day.

better, someday.

I've learned to lean on what's been near....
I've always wanted to stay right here.
I've wished for what's been on my mind...
I've searched for what's impossible to find.
I wonder each day if what I'm doing is right...
I'm constantly wishing I could give up this fight.
I seem to have got myself stuck in a hole...
where no one can find me, sitting alone.
Where things did go wrong, to that I can't see..
but it's clear something's missing, or wrong about me.
I don't have enough time to do what I want..
wishing I could apply all the things I've been taught.
Just can't the images out of my head..
lately I've been thinking, I'd rather be dead.
I have lost the ability to make things okay...
just thinking that maybe it will be better,

someday.

This is the story of a girl......

This is a small preview of the book I am writing. Let me know what you think :)




Sitting, unwanted.. I glance around at the bare, and empty surroundings. Never have I ever felt so alone, in such a public place. And not to mention that the world is quite busy around, in fact the sounds around me are constant reminders of civilization. However, no one wants to notice, no one wants to mention, no one wants to be around; me. A wise one once told me, and if ever he was right about one thing at all, it was this: she is mostly alone, and lonely. I hate to admit he said a single ounce of anything right in this world. And I hate to admit even more that no matter what it was that that egotistical liar did mention, I believed every single piece of it, with ease at that. It's not even a matter of relations from now. It's more a matter of being ignored, constantly. Riticuled, without fail. And denied, repeatedly.

The end of highschool did not come to much of a surprise for me, in fact in many ways it was a pure relief. I mean, after years of essentially side stepping society, leaving it can't be much of a sad affair. In a word, high school was a disaster. I spent most of my moments wishing I could get out of there, and even more moments striking against everything that it meant to be teenager. The thought process of a senior in high school could hardly be called intelligent and i found myself constantly realizing that I havven't learned a single piece of helpful information for the "real world" that we are entering. I surrounded my life around a common principle of meaning, and that is to trust no one, and I guess you can say that is the great majority of reason behind where I am today.

time to fleet.

perfection is lost behind the wall,
trying to catch me before i do fall.
not looking for much, just something to hold..
turn something new, into something old.
new feelings take over, but old thoughts won't let go.
I want you to leave me, i want you to go.

can't go outside without you driving on by..
can't leave the house without feeling you by my side.

the feel, bittersweet.
you're beyond me by now.
the thought, time to fleet.
please god, show me how.

Something MORE.

go away.
leave for now.
stay away.
remember how...
Days were long,
heavens gone,
I'm wanting something MORE.

Loss for words.
misplayed cords...
..trying to hear the song.
Stories told,
crossing fold.
For what, I am not sure.


Time to go,
lost the show.
I'm never coming back.
Where to go,
there I know,
I'm wanting something MORE.

Gone.

i understand the feeling,
of needing something more.
of trying to find the future..
of never reaching shore.
i know now, where i'm going
but not where i belong
i know that you're not helping
or moving me along..
i can't help but not feel week
i can't breathe without your touch
it's so sick the way i'm feeling
it's nothing more than useless lust..
waiting for the moment
when i can pass with time
when things will soon be perfect
and i'm not breaking every rhyme.
i want to soon feel normal
i don't want to feel alone
i dont want to have you cross my mind
all in all, i want you gone.

I guess..

time to unwind...just passing the time.
take off my jeans, & hit the rewind.
life on the run, is not always fun..
I guess you just get used to it.

I loosen my hair... & wash off the day.
breathe in some air, and say it's okay.
try to make fun, but I'm not the one..
I guess this is nothing that's new.

I slip into bed...closing my eyes.
reaching for something, saying goodbye.
that song in my head, makes me rather be dead.
I guess I should get over it.

Neutral.

so tired of this same routine,
it seems like it's taking over me
another night with sleepless rest
another day of endless guess...
I can take a hint when I'm ignored
..wish i could win this fight,
without a sword...
sooo long ago, you would have thought
I'd had learned my lesson..
and soon forgot..
but here I am still stuck in place.
hiding the emotions behind my face..
It's hard to say when this will end,
perhaps someday this road will bend..
But as for now you'll find me here..
stuck in neutral, not changing gear.

Obsolete.

it's not about what's come to be,
or all the things you haven't seen.
it's not about what hurts the most,
the nights that end in instant lust..
the simple things are all you need,
just be the best that you can be.
forget about your troubles here,
open your eyes, make vision clear..
do what's right for no one else,
make your days entirely count..
listen close and claim your land,
step by step, hand in hand.
yes overall, we're incomplete.
but overall, we're obsolete.
overall, we're nothing less..
than useless matter, a beating chest.

Hypnotize.

It's like you never left me,
like nothing ever changed.
Like things were meant to last forever,
like the bee was meant to sting..
Your eyes, they hypnotize me.
Your smile gets me high.
Your kisses make me weaker
when the sun sets in the sky.
Can't bear too long without your touch,
I long for every word.
The simple things you say to me,
are the nicest things I've heard.
I know it's wrong to say this,
I know it's not my place.
I know this makes thing dificult..
And everything fall out of place.
I watch the waves move slowly,
my heart still keeping pace.
And just when you had left my mind,
my blood begins to race.
It's like a drug for strangers,
who know nothing what it's like.
You're simply irresistable
and to that I cannot fight.
Your actions leave me speechless,
your simple touch is all I need.
After I put my eyes on yours,
they're all that I could see.
I don't want to admit my weakness,
I don't want to claim my faults.
I don't have to make things seem okay,
Its too late to catch my fall.
When nothing else makes sense to you,
when your thoughts are stuck on me,
just know that you are in my heart
and there you will always be.
Let's fly away like butterflies,
let's ignore bees as they sting.
Let's admire what's in front of us,
&& never be afraid to sing.
Let's make things right from here now on,
let's move with the falling tide.
Let's keep a smile on our face until we say goodbye.
Let's remember nothings over
even though you think it is,
just hold onto the moment
..... perfection will set in.

The race to finish.

I'm in an ongoing race to finish first,
wishing there was some way to make things reverse...
Counting the moments for things to pull through,
remembering the days when all this was new..
Reminiscing on times when things were okay,
when things were so simple, every day..
Would you believe me if I told you that I have no regrets,
that despite what you think, I didn't forget..
Do I need to remind you that this isn't the end,
things are only beginning, so don't lose your head..
It seems things are running faster than ever before,
this race we are in makes it hard to keep score..
Someone once told me that it happens so fast,
that everything flys and moments don't last.
They said: after all this, somethings will change,
but nothing will push me, or make me point blame.
That everything happens for no reason at all,
that everything's perfect, regardless of falls.

Live every second for what it is worth,
cherish every moment, don't cut anything short.
When we do reach the finish, make sure to stand tall,
be ready for whatever life may just call..
Look up and smile for what's been given to you.
Don't rely on others to say what to do..
Choose wisely and careful,be prepared to move fast..
These days will pass quickly, so find the right path....

What's said, and done.

when all is said,
when all is done
when you think you've lost,
when you know you've won.
if it's time to speak and move along
now there's room to breathe and reach what's gone..
keep in mind what's left to find
what's yet to come,
what's on your mind.
who's here for now,
who's gone today..
what's happened here,
is there anyone left to save?
how did things get away so fast,
when did our future,
become our past..
i go to bed, i dream of things
i wake up ready for what the day will bring..
before i know it, i'm faced once more,
with the night time sky,
and the still moving shore.
running out of time, keeping up the pace,
life is lost in rhyme and an ongoing race..

Subconscious.

Path not taken, moments untold.
Heart stop beating, hands unfold.
Legs are shaking, tear drops fall,
what we had was perfect, afterall...
Trying your hardest to walk away,
constantly watching all the things that you say.
Go out of your way to avoid all that's me
telling me that you're all you could be..
Time is moving, so long ago..
Questions unanswered, but where to go,
Nothings simple, nothings fine
Nothings easy, nothings mine..
Emotions are hidden, i keep to myself
you can't simply admit, we all may need some help..
Everyday's like the one before.
i sit here just wishing, wanting much more
I wonder so much where things had gone wrong.
When days became memories and words to a song
Can no longer hide and say i'm happy again
no use in trying, you can see all my pain.

Spring Sunset.

Walking alongside the busy highway.. I take a slight left turn and angle myself towards the west side of the lake, here I find a lonely bench amongst trees, over looking the completely still water and the slowly melting snow. In front of me, I see a narrow, shallow cliff upon which I choose to sit. I glance at the beauty in front of me, and breathe the brisk, clean air. Suddenly three birds fly into my view and they gracefully float down, inches above the water. I watch as they glide for several feet before their feet all synchronize and touch the water at the exact moment. Mesmerized, I watch the glass water break and echo for what seems like all of eternity. The sky is a subtle orange now, the sun slowly setting behind the mountains that hold my comfort. Nearly twenty minutes later the hundredth car probably drives by, this one much louder than the rest, because I now find myself cold, and stuck back inside reality. It doesn't take long however, to be sucked back into the breath-taking image in front of me. For whatever reason the image of the lake brings back millions and millions of memories with nothing but the slightest glance. I'm stuck inside the concept of tranquility when someone on his cell phones walks by... Thankfully, my peaceful music blares out his useless talk..he is blind to the masterpiece unfolding in front of him and clueless that there is no other thing quite like this place. I question momentarily as to what I may do next year when I don't have my comfort place to sit and unwind. I tell myself that I can always come back, but I cannot be convinced otherwise..Although this spring sunset is definitely not the first I've experienced, for whatever reason I cannot pull myself away from its beauty. It's flawless and entirely peaceful. This image is permanently imprinted in my mind, for that I am sure. Perhaps I can take this as a sign, spring is here, and it's going to be beautiful. The year ahead will perfectly fly by, floating over the water until that exact moment where all tings collide seamlessly and become one. I have no sense of temperature, no sense of time. For whatever reason, I am stuck. Motionless. Hypnotized. The sky is a faint purple, the clouds a light pink, the water rolling slowly up to the rocks lightly covered with the last snowfall. The reflection in the water makes the sky look even more remarkable than the sky itself. As I gaze off I realize...it's dark now. And though not a single part of me knows why, I stand up, turn for one more look. And I seize this moment that I am given, and that I am so thankful for. I take a deep breath..walk back toward the bench that greeted my welcoming, I turn the corner...

Hold your hand.

I walk past you, it makes my day.
One hug from you, everything's okay.
I live for catching a single glance,
the ongoing struggle to keep my stance..
The feeling I get when I'm near your warmth.
The ongoing rush inside my heart.
I wonder however, if you feel the same.
If at any point you could drop the game.
If you knew how much the things you do,
really make me fall for you ...
How the slightest touch can drive me nuts..
and the things you do and all I want.
Kinda weird to realize how much you really run my life..
kinda sad to understand, just look for a way..
to hold your hand.

Exactly what you wanted....

Inspiration, lovely. Dreams, gone.
Trying to not feel so alone.
If I could I would remove you.
and throw away the key...
If I could I would just hold you.
and never press delete.
Nightmares, awful. Breathing, hard.
I find it hard to make a move.
Those days replay inside my head...
thoughts of you...just wont go away.
I'm starting to feel like I don't even make sense.
starting to see the ridiculousness in my measures.
trying to realize that I knew all of this..
all along.
I guess I'll say I'm sorry, not for anything I did.
But for being stupid enough to trust you,
Stupid enough to hold your hand.
Stupid enough to get attached.
I guess I'll say I'm sorry, for nothing really.
Hope you're happy, actually no
I hope youre miserable.
I hope you regret this someday, or now.
I hope you don't forget the times we had...and remember
That at one time. It's EXACTLY what you wanted....

Dreams. Come. True.

When does life become much more, and
dreams come true, you reach the shore.
It's so dumb to think we know all there is
this world's too large, all we can do is live.
No sense in thinking we create whats real
Perceptions not reality, but more how you feel..
It's besides the point to think that you're right
It's more about fullfillment, a constant life's fight.
If you truly believe you can create a dream..
Change the world, remove the screen.
It doesn't take much more than believing it so,
not listening to people when told where to go.
One step at a time, just take a deep breath..
Don't lose faith in your dreams, ingnore every threat.
Take what you learn and apply it to life.
Wake in the morning, refect every night.
Sing song in rejoice for the things that you do,
Don't forget the people who will be there for you.
If you think you can do it, well you probably can...
If you believe in your dreams, it all goes hand in hand.
It's quite hard to believe all is coming to end.
That all we once knew was really pretend.
Real life begins now, a hard thought to grasp on..
our life on this Earth has barely begun.
So open the book that a new chapter begins,
face the world with an encouraging grin.
Laugh at fear, and smile today.
Reject perfection, watch what you say.
Think twice before you make your move.
Carefully plan the things that you do.
Don't stress about the simple things,
Show the world what you have to bring.
But most of all, just be yourself.
Never reject those who are there to help.
Always embrace the moments you have,
the things you've learned and made you sad.
Remember what you're here to do..
reach for the stars. Make dreams come true.

Remember the Days...

Remember the days..... when your biggest concern was who was next to you in line for recess. When a sewer was filled with tarantulas... When pretend was easy, and normal. When running around in circles was your favorite thing to do. When PE involved learning how to jump, and hop. When your homework was coloring pages. And you sang songs when class was over. I can't but look at these kids and wonder if I was like them when I was in kindergarten. I can't help but think of me and my friends and see how we are today, compared to where we came from. I look at these children and think about how they are going to be when they are my age. I almost feel bad for them, growing up in such a harsh world. Things are fallng apart here, and quick. Makes me not want children, because no one should have to be forced into this awful society. And they don't even realize it, because they don't care. They are so carefree, it's almsot dangerous. They don't understand the troubles their generation will face, they don't see beyond the playground, unless it's to the lunch room. I wish I could look at the sky and not think "Global Warming", I wish I could look at play money and not think of ways to make it real. I wish I could go back and just live one more lovely day with not a care in the world, and just be a kid again.

The Game.

I'm sick and tired of being wrong,
trying to find every reason to not sing that song..
Excuses to talk to you...even to walk your way
You have no idea how much the things you say...
Always seem to make my day.
I really don't see where things could have gone bad,
it didn't take much for you to make me feel sad.
I'm not asking for much, just one simple thing
only looking for you to maybe....TRUST ME
If you want to move forward, then you can't hold back
If you want to move faster, then don't be afraid.
If your desires include to be the best of the best,
then why don't you stand up and LEAD
People will affect you and words may let you down..
there's no reason not to listen, or to think out loud.
If it's me that you don't want to see...then I will go away.
But as for now it seems to me, that this is really all a game
I'm not asking for much. Just a simple responce.
I just want to know SOMETHING...maybe ...for once?

David Stewart.

This could be pointless because I'm pretty sure like one person reads this but nevertheless, I feel like it needs to be done. David Stewart. He's amazing. I definetly stole his picture for the title of my blog, and well needless to say his pictures can be found on many other things in my room, computer, etc... He has a true, true, talent and he deserves to be recognized. Here's the link to his other things, be sure to check him out! :)

http://hiddenwoodsmedia09.blogspot.com/

Sometimes.

Sometimes it's not about what you want,
but more about what you need.
Sometimes what we want so badly..
just wasn't meant to be.
Sometimes things seem important,
although we know they really aren't.
Sometimes we say what's on our mind,
instead of in our heart.
Sometimes everything that we once knew..
fades away with the passing time.
Sometimes the things that mean the most,
were really all a lie.
Sometimes it's like the world moves slow,
but eveything's too fast..
Sometimes it's like I'm losing you,
and it's hard to not look back.
Sometimes I try to tell myself that everything is fine.
Sometimes I try to look for you,
but there's nothing there to find..
Sometimes the things I'm given are not exactly what I want.
Sometimes it seems like I'm all alone,
another battle to be fought.
Sometimes I'm stuck inside my feelings,
unable to get out.
Sometimes I want to reach you,
but instead I scream and shout.
Sometimes it's a struggle to stay on top,
not to fall so far behind.
Sometimes I want to just give up,

I'll try again another time..

Quit.

I don't want you to affect me,
but somehow you always do.
I don't want you to forget me,
I wish I could forget about you.
It's not like I expected for things to have changed.
But I guess it's sort of stupid of me to think that they still may.
I could do without you in my life, but I feel lost without you here.
if I could I wouldn't change a thing, though I know I probably should.
Hard work will surely help me,
and prevent me from inevitable fail.
but when will things get easy,
I think the ship has sailed...
one beat, one pause, another slips away...
you are leaving me speechless, with nothing to say.
Though you have a way with words, that's one thing I admit.
just the simple thought of you, I am suddenly unable to sit.
I am currently trying to make all the pieces fit.
However, I know it's impossible and that it is time to quit..

How it's meant to be.

I don't want to have to stock you, but you make it kind of hard.
I just want to stand beside you, but for that you are too far.
It's hard for me to find words to say, that won't ruin all that's left.
It's hard for me to look at you, I forgot how much it meant.
it's like you are a part of me and now with you away.
My words are less inspiring, and I have so much less to say.
I'm still curious, however, to see how things work out.
And as the time keeps ticking, I will resist the urge to shout.
Anger builds up within me, it's so much harder here with you.
But you could say that I'm an expert, and I know just what to do.
This isn't the first time I've dealt with how you make me feel,
and I just have to remember, that at once some things were real.
I'm stronger each time you touch me, and I am weaker each time you leave.
But something inside me tells me, this is how it's meant to be.

Dance with Me.

Do you count the steps? Do you hear the beat?
Do you know what its like to taste defeat?

Ignorant, Loyal, Friendly, or kind,
Amazingly… all, fairly easy to find.

Do you notice emotions that all people posses?
Do you try your hardest to look always your best?

If the time and place presented itself
Would you take the challenge, or ask for help.

Do you care about what people think?
Do you try to float… Or always sink.

What time is it? Are you ready to go?
Life wont wait, It's time for the show.

Can you understand what there is to do?
Can you make some old look like brand new.

Do you count the steps? Do you hear the beat?
Do you climb the mountain, or think it's too steep.
Do you miss what you had.. Or do you love what you are?
Do you sit and act sad… Can you try really hard?

Inside yourself do you always see
What you've made yourself cut out to be?

Around the world it's hard to find..
A person you think is worth your time.

Can you smile often? Can you understand?
Will you always put out a helping hand?

Do you judge those around you whom you barely know?
Do you stick up for loved ones, or do you leave them alone.

Do you know that I am happy… Just the way that things are.
I am content in just knowing I will always go far.
Just understand one thing, take time to comprehend.
I will always be in it, until the very end.
Another milestone later, yes some things have changed.
I'm older and wiser… at the least rearranged.

Do you understand the depths of my sincerity?
If I needed your help, would you be there for me?

Do you know how truly happy I, myself have become.
It seems I have made it past the rule of thumb.

I can count the steps… I can hear the beat
I can feel the rhythm, Will you dance with me?

Accusations.

My problems surpass something that I like to call you.
I am past the point of trying to decide what to do.
There's nothing left in me that wants things okay.
Can't wait for that something that will end this day.
Your words dont scratch the surface,
I don't care much about what you think.
Accusations more like worthless,
you wont throw me out of sync.
I'm glad you decided to grow up a little bit.
Looks like someone finally learned how to take a hint..

5 o'clock.

It's five o'clock. It's cold outside.
It's like times not moving. Only keeping rhyme.
The sun is setting, the snow just falls.
The scene is beautiful after all,
the sky is fading, the memories too,
it's lovely really. And so are you.
Not much to say about what i should do.
No real indication if anything is true.
I guess I'm content with the way things are now,
I want to make progress, but I just don't know how.
One blanket, one book, one pen and some paper.
I reflect on the things have changed for the better.

Reflecting.

Inspire to lead and define the in between
Encourage outsiders and explore the unknown..
Inside you there are words you didn't even know existed ....to your common mind,
A light bulb somehow is switched to turbo. Causing all likeliness to shine through.
And whether or not you know it.
The light that is shining, is you.....
Changes are irrelevant to what is happening in time.
And people surrounding will come and leave your mind
The muse of unknowing strangers surrounding you..
And the occurrence of gratitude that at times makes you blue.
Natures propensity in making things difficult or not.
And your ability to speak intellect, without getting caught..
The walls closing in are reflectant on stress.
And when things get real bad, it's okay.
The figures who lead you along the rest of the journey
Will make nothing more difficult, someday
Apprehension inside us, further more wont own you
All that is left is for you to decide what to do
Just think back to the draw board.
Look for the switch to the light.
And thoughts will run through you.. all day and all night
Confidence is key to the success you will feel.
And the frustration you remember, it will seem so surreal
Unknown is explored and identified after.
Sooner or later you will realize....

there is so much more out there

Theft.

And if she left here today there's somethings you should know.
Just in case things slip up, and its too late.
She loves you more than lord thought you could be
and inside there are feelings stronger than the eyes could once see.
she's head over heels for the things that you do..
and although things are harder, she can't help think of you.
The sun sets, the sun rises, the tide comes in and goes out.
She smiles and giggles, then she screams and she shouts.
Despite what there is and what there isn't somehow..
You mean to her the world that is slowly tumbling down.
And if its too late to save her from this tragety site..
i hope you sleep soundly all day and all night.
She still wants you and needs you more than you ever may know..
and is content in just knowing there is no place to go.
As much as she wishes for nothing but you..if the world was her storybook,
the first thing she would do.
Is erase you from crossing her lines from the start,
and erasing the marks you have made on her heart.
For the best things and worse things that have happened in time..
are nothing but reminders..reflectant in mime.
And although it woukd kill her to think anything less..
she strives to forget that you are guilty of theft.
You've stolen her heart and will not give it back
and it hurts her each day and there's no turning back....

Pause.

A pause & play button. A slow motion track.
A way to say thank you and never look back.
A journey not taken, one mile left to go.
I want to remember, I don't want to hear no.
You're much more than a drug, an addiction more like
too long without you, I'm already loosing my mind.
It's not much a matter of moving on fast, it's not like you're leaving...
I mean, you're going to come back?
Altering my ego, replacing what I lack.
It's time to move forward, and set a time worthy path.
Intuition takes over, and fast forward turns on.
Two months becomes days, becomes hours, becomes none.
Who would have thought that I'd still be here today,
you would think I had learned, I still don't know what to say.
I am stuck in a trance of memories and lust,
too scared to let things fly away with the dust.
The sensation of your touch is too strong to let die.
when our lips finally touch I take off and I fly.
The desire to hold you takes up most of my day,
I am asking temptation to come out and play.
I just want things to slow down, the clocks to turn slow.
I want you to stay here, I don't want you to go...

Nerves.

No one there to talk to. No one with much to say. My hands are slightly shaken, my feet are now misplaced. My nerves are now on fire and with no expression on my face. A melody breaks upward, the room still keeping pace, it seems like things are spinning slow, my thoughts are running wild. It's like they've got somewhere to be...but they could stay a little while. All in all, I told myself that things would be okay, and when I didn't take advice, right here they then shall stay. My body's numb with untold truths, the tear drops down my face, and with a simple sudden jolt, everything just slips away....

The Angora Fire

Sunday, June 24, 2007. I wake up, open my blinds, prepare myself for another boring Sunday. I glance out my window and admire the trees outside, the flowers beginning to bloom, for some reason the scene in front of me was so much more compelling today than it has ever been. This was the house I grew up in, and loved. A small, one story, blue house with grey trim. Right in the middle of the prettiest neighborhood in Tahoe, North Upper Truckee.

I walk down the hallway, and glance around at the numerous pictures on the wall: me dancing as a child, my brother Joey in his football jersey, my Mom and Dad's wedding, family photos. Not realizing a significance. I hear a voice from the kitchen: "Chelsea honey, breakfast is ready", it's my Mom carrying a plate full of homemade waffles and scrambled eggs, my favorite. During breakfast we discuss a family day at our favorite beach, minutes later, plans are set.

We arrive at Round Hill Pines beach at noon, park the car and head towards the beach. It's not the warmest day, the sky is cloudy, unwelcoming almost, but I make the best of it. Nothing could prevent me from having a relaxing day, or so I thought. Hours pass with no significance, the clock hits three o'clock, something is not right. I glance over at my father, he too had a bad feeling. We look up into the sky, not much has changed about the gloom overcast, in fact the sun is a brighter orange than I remembered hours before. And that wasn't all that was off about the atmosphere; the air, it was hazy, thick. Then at nearly the same instant, my Father and I got up and started packing up our things, we needed to get home, immediately.

I've never made it across town so fast in the 15 years I'd lived in Lake Tahoe. Radios announcing a fire in North Upper Truckee are on every news station, firetrucks are running up and down the boulevard, people are on their cell phones in every car we pass, babies crying in every backseat. Running a red light suddenly didn't matter, and the cops on every corner obviously agreed. Since I was the smallest baby, fire had always been my biggest fear, and I was desperately wishing that I could wake up from this nightmare. I squeezed the door handle, sweat drops slowly slid down my devastated face. Nothing I could do would allow me to wake up, because this wasn't a dream, this was real.

We pulled into our driveway and almost simultaneously ran inside our house and began frantically gathering the few belongings we could. Flames were up to our fence, and approaching quickly. Once again I stopped and glanced at the pictures on the wall, mesmerized almost. Taking mental notes of each and everything I could take in, I was tempted to just stay inside the room, and never leave. Recollecting myself I remembered my goal of retrieving my baby blanket from my bedroom. Feeling stupid for taking such a long detour, I hurried to the end of the hallway. Inside my room I couldn't help myself, I soon found myself crying, and in an instant a wave of fear came over me, and it was like something was preventing me from moving, making every breath difficult. I grabbed my most cherished childhood memory and shut my door behind me.

The memory of that day plays over and over in my head nearly everyday. Sure, it was nearly three years ago and my family and I are now living in a beautiful new home in the same location. In many ways things couldn't be better. However, there's a certain part of me that will never let the memory of that day fade from my mind. From time to time I will find myself dreaming of days in that house, and playing out events that never got a chance to happen behind those doors. I wonder at times what possessions I should have saved, pictures I should have recovered. Things as simple as barbie dolls, and Christmas ornaments can get me worked up from day to day. But, if there's one thing that the Angora Fire taught me, it is that "things" can never last a lifetime. A simple piece of property should not hold much significance in your life. The memories that you carry along with them, the events you encountered while in their presence, this is what the real sentimental value comes from. I could spend a lifetime wishing that I could have my house back, but that will never bring it back to me. And I could pray everyday for beautiful neighborhood to reappear unharmed, but in the end I should save the gesture for something more appropriate.

I can honestly say that losing my house to a Forrest fire changed my life in more ways than a new living arrangement. If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing. The Angora Fire made me who I am today, and taught me more life lessons than I could have ever learned in a classroom. I am stronger now, and I have learned what it is like to lose something you love. I cherish each and every moment I am given, because in reality nothing is guaranteed to last a lifetime. And you can never be sure when the chapter of your life has met the end of it's road. I live my life to it's absolute fullest and I am ready for anything that could ever come my way.

I guess this is where I say hello....

I am taking a leap into the world of blogging. That goes to say that it shouldn't be much of a great leap, more like a place to contain my insanity. We'll see how this goes. Enjoy :)