I'm Ready

I am confused on this day as to where exactly I am headed right now.

And that doesn't go to say that this is a new contemplation. The path in which my life is following has always been largely swayed, uneven, hidden and full of obstacles; just like everyone else in the world.

But today, I am feeling very unprepared. I feel like a hunter who's been sent out without a bow and arrow. A surgeon without an assistant. A drug addict who has just run out of his fix.

It's not that I don't know which fork in the road to take, it's that I don't see the fork at all. I don't see any indication of where I am headed.

I am being bombarded with change after change in my life, and more than ever before these changes are becoming overwhelming. I suppose I am thankful for the ability I have to sort through images in my mind and place them all on paper to analyze. However, right now even viewing all my options concretely is leading me astray.

I wonder if this is because I took a wrong turn somewhere behind me, and now I am dealing with the consequences. However, an occasion like that should not affect me to this matter, because I know that the decisions, whether wrong or right, that are behind me.. The turns I have chosen to take along this windy road, can not be changed now that I am farther down the line.

So then what is it? What is making me so unsure, so blind to the direction I am going?

I suppose I won't know. I suppose I will just have to keep walking, keep taking in what's around me and continue to search for cues that will indicate where exactly I am headed in the future.

As a rule, I tend to insist on never dwelling on the past, or planning for the future. I am a strong advocate of living in the present. Then why is it that today, I can't seem to shake the worry of my destiny? I would like to think it's because something big is about to happen, or perhaps something small. But regardless of the size, I believe that the impact will be life changing.

Why else would I be stressing to this degree? Some being is preparing me for something. So hey, whoever, whatever, or which ever thing you are.

I'm ready.

That's all for now....